You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
