Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
