He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
