Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
