The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
