he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
