so let's talk penis.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
