I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
