I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
