i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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