Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
