i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
