Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
