somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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