FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
