And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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