PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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