That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
