You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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