btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
