Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
