is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
