Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
