you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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