Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
