you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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