Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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