i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
