I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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