Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
