in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
