I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
