I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
