Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
