I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
