I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
