I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You may now shotgun with the bride
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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