I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
