Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
