Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
