I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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