at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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