Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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