Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
