someone get that fucking seahorse.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
