I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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