Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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