in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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