sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
