so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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