just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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